


Deadpool Is Okay, Though

by AnonymouslyDead



Series: Fun Times In Lego Gotham City [3]
Category: Deadpool (all media types), Spider-Man (All Media Types), The LEGO Batman Movie
Genre: Because Deadpool, Breakfast, Deadpool has issues, Gotham City is Rude, Knockoff waffle House, M/M, Rated Teen, Ships are kinda background in this, There's actually like one inappropriate joke, batjokes reference, from my other fic, with his face
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-21 06:35:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11938389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymouslyDead/pseuds/AnonymouslyDead
Summary: Batman gets called out to Waffle Town to deal without Deadpool's self esteem issues.





	Deadpool Is Okay, Though

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this bc someone on my last fic called Filler asked nicely also because I love Deadpool

Batman checked the Bat-positioning system on the dashboard again. According to the device, he was at the site of Gotham's latest public disturbance; however, Waffle Town looked oddly peaceful. Shrugging, Batman parked the Batmobile in the tiny parking lot and hopped out.

Batman surveyed the building. His excellent sense of deduction concluded that the best course of action was to sneak in the back and take the perpetrator by surprise in the most epic way possible. He crept around the kitchen staff, jumping between counters to cupboards with ninja like stealth. The staff continued to shuffle around like zombies around him, looking unaffected by the supposed situation occurring, but that was normal. 

Batman snuck into the main dining area, ducking behind a conveniently placed potted plant. From his vantage point, Batman could see something was amiss. Patrons sat at their tables, backs stiff and eyes darting about in terror. Batman scanned the restaurant, looking for-

"LOOK, IT'S BATMAN! HE'S COME TO SAVE US!" Some random citizen, a man who appeared to be eating lunch with his family, pointed out Batman's hiding spot to the whole restaurant. Batman growled as he reluctantly left the plant's leafy embrace. "THE BAD GUY'S OVER THERE! GO STOP HIM!" 

The man gestured towards a booth in the far right corner of the room, away from the other occupied tables. Batman rolled his eyes. Like he couldn't figure that out on his own. 

Considering his cover had been blown, Batman walked up to said booth. A large, very muscular (but not as muscular as Batman) man hiding in an even larger red hoodie sat slumped in his booth, staring at a comically large stack of pancakes. He started to roll up fabric on his face before he seemed to realize that there were eyes on him. He set the fabric back and continued to pout at his pancakes. 

"If you're going to kill me, could you do it quickly? I'm waiting for someone." The man said, causing Batman to stop in his tracks. The man seemed so sad that it almost pulled at Batman's heartstrings (keyword: almost).

That is until he noticed all the weapons. A pair of katanas were propped up on the opposite bench while guns were scattered across the table. Even a few grenades littered the floor. 

Batman tiptoed around the rouge explosives and moved the swords so that he could actually sit. "Are you okay, dude?"

"No! I-" The man let his head fall into his hands. "The only reason I'm still here is that the author is going to bring in my favorite spider at some point. Until then, I'm stuck in this shitty knockoff Waffle House where I can't eat because everyone keeps staring at me! Why is everyone so rude here?"

Batman ignored the first part, having no idea what that meant. "Oh come on. Gotham isn't that bad." Batman waved to the family across the restaurant. The family tentatively waved at him all the while blatantly staring at the other man. Batman frowned. He may have a point. 

"Maybe if you put the weapons away, people wouldn't stare so much." Batman suggested. The other man sent him a look into his pancakes that said that wasn't going to happen, a big accomplishment seeing as the man had a mask on. "Or I could just buy out Waffle Town." 

"What?" The man finally looked up from his food only for his jaw to drop when the man saw him. "Holy @&$#, you're Batman!" 

Batman laughed. "Yeah, I get that a lot."

Oddly enough, the man chose to stare up at the ceiling, cursing out the *#^% author and her $&@@&%€ censors. Batman took this moment to flag down a waitress. 

"What can I get you?" The dead eyed waitress said, her lack of enthusiasm crystal clear. Batman pulled out his checkbook and started writing zeroes. The look on the waitress' face when he handed her the check was priceless.

********************

"#%~%#*^>€#*^" The man, who Batman learned was named Wade, cursed as a squad of waiters marched through the now empty restaurant, carrying a feast of breakfast foods. The waiters stacked the dishes on the table, struggling to fit all the dishes on their small table before retreating back to the kitchen. 

Wade stared in awe. "I thought you were kidding." 

"I never joke about breakfast food. It's the most important meal of the day. The protein helps build rock hard abs like these." Batman said as he picked up a plate of scrambled eggs.

"They aren't the only thing that's rock hard." 

The plate of eggs fell to the floor, spraying eyes everywhere. Batman spluttered. 

"Don't worry. I'm loyal to only one superhero." Wade laughed. He turned his attention to eying a stack of bacon instead. 

"Who?" Batman asked, curious as to who dealt with this guy on a regular basis more than anything. 

"Have you heard of the spectacular, wall crawling, friendly neighborhood Spider-Man?" 

"Who?" 

"What?" Wade slammed his hands on the table, jumping up in indignation. He dug his hands into one of the many pockets of his belt, and he pulled out a wallet. He opened it, causing a cascade of pictures to unfold out of it. He proceeded to shove them into Batman's face. 

The pictures where all of the same red and blue superhero. Some showed the hero at wild angles, crawling up a skyscraper or swinging around on webs. Others were messy, incomprehensible blurs. The last one in the set, obviously Wade's favorite, was a selfie taken by Wade with Spider-Man. Wade had his mask drawn halfway up his face with his tongue out while Spider-Man made finger guns. 

"Huh, he's certainly...spectacular." Batman said. While Spider-Man wouldnt make his top five favorite superheroes (Dick had a very strong hold on the number one spot.), having spider powers was pretty cool. 

Wade didn't respond. Batman looked up to find him distracted by the food in front of him. 

"Help yourself." Batman pushed a plate towards Wade. Wade shook his head. "Why not?" 

"It's just...I'm kind of fugly under this mask. Like if Two Face was Whole Face and not the handsome side either." 

"You mean like this?" Batman gestured to the selfie in the wallet. Wade's eyes bulged. He quickly swiped the wallet back and shoved it back into a pocket. 

"@&$&, I guess there's no excuse. Just don't scream too loud. It's worse in purpose." Wade took a deep breath before tanking his masks up to his nose. Batman didn't say anything, choosing to shove toast into his mouth instead. Wade followed by crunching into some bacon.

The conversation ended after for a while in favor of devouring their feast. After a while of eating, Wade got more comfortable with having his face exposed and eating in front of Batman. Batman soon found that while he is good at many things, he could not out eat Wade. He ate like he had multiple stomachs, claiming that his powers gave him a high metabolism. 

But after a while, even Wade had to admit that they had overdone it. Wade was struggling to finish the last stack of chocolate chip waffles- At this point, Batman had given up trying to keep up with Wade.- when a loud smack echoed throughout the restaurant. Wade dropped his fork, turning to look out the window. 

"Baby boy!!" Wade shrieked, jumping up and making a break for the door where the familiar superhero dropped down in front of. He suddenly skidded to a halt, turned, and rushed back towards Batman. 

"I'm sorry. Where are my manners? It's not polite to dine and dash. Here." Wade produced a card from his pocket. All the card had was a red phone number along with what Batman hoped was ketchup. "Hit me up if you never need anyone unalived...or if you want to double date sometime." Wade winked. 

"What?" Batman practically shrieked (in the manliest way possible.) 

"Don't deny that the last two fics happened. The author sure won't let me forget about them." With that, Deadpool bowed and then charged the front door. 

Batman turned to watch Wade throw himself at Spider-Man outside. Spider-Man seemed to have expecting this, catching the bigger man with surprising ease for someone so much smaller than Wade. Spider-Man was just as excited to see Wade, seeing as his shoulders hitched with laughter at Wade's display. 

It was sweet. Not that Batman thought things were sweet. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave some kudos if you liked it! Leave a comment with your thoughts! ^u^


End file.
